If you are affected by someone else's gambling, you are welcome to come and talk to us. We offer support to individuals and families experiencing the negative impact of gambling.
It can feel difficult to reach out for help, and this may be the first time you have, but we want you to know you are welcome here.
Please click here to fill out an online referral form.
If you have any questions or need additional support, do contact the service either by email or telephone.
Who else is affected by problem gambling?
In the UK, for every person who has a gambling problem, around 7 others are affected too. The most severe impacts are felt by family members.
Being close to someone who has a gambling problem can be very distressing and overwhelming. This is particularly the case when you don’t know how to help the person you love and care about and you see them struggling. You may experience lots of different feelings, including hurt, anger, mistrust, sadness and worry about the future. You may also be affected financially and worried about how to manage.
Depending on your relationship, conversations about gambling can feel risky. Sometimes the person you care about won’t want or be able to talk about their gambling and what else is going on for them. Or you might find that your feelings get in the way of having a helpful conversation.
Signs of a problem
It can be difficult to know if someone has a problem with gambling. To begin with, we may not want to believe that someone we know or love has a problem with gambling.
It can also be difficult to spot a gambling problem because the person you care about does not recognise they have a problem and may get defensive or angry if questioned about it.
Alternatively, the person may feel they have to cope with their gambling problem on their own. They do not tell family members because of shame, fear and loss of trust if they reveal the full extent of their debts, and guilt and remorse about the impact that their gambling is having on others. Experiencing these emotions can be overwhelming, and the person may not be able to think clearly about what is happening. They may make efforts to try and recoup the money lost by placing further bets.
Signs that something is wrong can include:
- Money disappearing
- Unpaid bills or disconnection notices (even though the person is in work)
- Selling off possessions
- Borrowing money from family or friends
- Taking out multiple loans
- Poor credit ratings
- Being evasive about payslips, bills or invoices
- In some cases, committing theft or fraud
You may notice other changes about the person you are close to that seem out of character, such as:
- Spending more time gambling
- Seemingly never off their mobile phone or the internet
- Being vague about unexplained absences, or often late for commitments
- Becoming withdrawn from others/family events
- Difficulties at work or studies
- Days off sick or missing days
- Seeming worried, agitated, or upset for no apparent reason
- Saying that they feel hopeless, depressed, frustrated or suicidal
- Changes in sleeping, eating, or sexual relationship patterns
- Controlling behaviour to get what they want
What you can do...
Start a conversation
You can start a conversation with the person about their gambling. This may not be straightforward. Many people find it difficult to talk to someone close to them about gambling issues because they do not know what to say and it is a potentially sensitive conversation that could escalate and become upsetting or confrontational.
Helpful approaches include:
- Listening when the person you care about wants to talk.
- Checking how they are feeling can help them feel safe so that they begin to talk about what is going on.
- You could start by saying something along the lines of “I care about you and I can’t help noticing that… is this something we can talk about together?”
- Take them seriously and accept what they say.
- Validate how they are feeling by saying things like “that must feel very difficult or hard for you”.
- Try to resist the temptation to argue or blame them or yourself for the situation they are in (sometimes easier said than done).
Agree on a plan
Trying to understand what a person is going through can help you to communicate with them more effectively. If someone feels understood, they are more likely to talk openly and honestly.
Know your limits by thinking about what you are willing to accept and what is unacceptable, and what you can do realistically for the person who gambles.
Discuss and agree on a plan which identifies what each of you is willing to do to help the person stop or limit their gambling. For more ideas, you can look at the links at the bottom of this page.
Recognise that this is likely to be new territory for you both. At times, the person gambling may revert back to their previous habits. You may find that you experience conflicting emotions and that you want some space for yourself. This is normal.
You may find it helpful to ‘check in’ regularly with each other, such as once a week, with openness about past hurts, and future hopes and fears.
You may consider going together for outside help from someone who specialises in relationship counselling or therapy.